"Michael Moore mops the floor with Bill O'Reilly as the mop."
"What do you have that is vegetarian?" I asked the waiter, Ian.
"We have a variety of tasty fish and chicken dishes, as well as pasta."
"When you say 'fish' and 'chicken,' are you somehow implying these are not the standard animal variety, but a genetically modified plant product?"
"Nooo..." he said, dully referencing his high school biology. "We have pasta and an assortment of salads," he turned my menu right side up and pointed to these sections. I closed my menu and sat on it. It was cool beneath my pantiless bottom.
"Hmmmmm. I don't like reading menus, it's so impersonal." I told him, thinking it would bring us closer together. "Tell me, Ian, what sort of salads do you have?"
"'Why don't they get new jobs if they're unhappy--or go on Prozac?' said Susan Sheybani, an assistant to Bush campaign spokesman Terry Holt." (via Martini Republic)
"A lot has been said that they're moving to the center. Hell, it looked more like they were trying to light some dynamite under the center and move it closer to them."
"Are you kidding? How do you think I get all the ladies?" (via eric.buzzword.com)
"Before you buy a sleeping bag, night vision goggles and bus tickets to a year’s worth of Mr. Shatner's speaking engagements, take this simple quiz."
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