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Wednesday, November 6, 2002
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What Now?
The Republicans have won control of the world. I know that I should be gravely concerned about this, but I can't quite manage it. The alternatives would have been to have the Democrats (who have proven their moral and intellectual unfitness for pretty much anything) win control of Congress or to have the existing lame morass continue limping forward. Neither of those alternatives is all that much more attractive than what we've ended up with.
That said, I've had just about enough smug triumphalism from the Republicans and their supporters. They have all the dignity of Randy Moss engaging in an extended touchdown celebration after scoring against Central Connecticut State University. And now that the President has carte blanche, we can expect more of this sort of wackiness:
The latest watershed global agreement the White House is sabotaging is a bold international accord the United States helped write that offers real hope for stabilizing the world's exploding population.
It was such reactionary forces, led by a trio of odd bedfellows -- the U.S. religious right, several repressive Muslim regimes and the Vatican -- that have worked to put the kibosh on the final declaration of the U.N. conference, a carefully crafted pact supported by 179 nations. Now they have found their knight in shining armor in President Bush, who apparently wanted to shore up his right flank for the midterm elections and whose administration is now threatening to withdraw crucial U.S. support for the agreement based on some of its language.
One of the White House's beefs, for example, is with a line that says that in societies where abortion is legal, healthcare should be provided to make the procedure safe. According to the National Right to Life Committee, which heartily praised Bush's stance, statements like the one in the agreement are "code" advocating abortions.
But given that abortions are legal in the United States and are required to be medically sound, why would an American president seek to deny that standard of healthcare protection to the rest of the world?
I don't expect President Bush to be a good dictator. In fact, I half expect him to become the lunatic in Woody Allen's Bananas who declares that all citizens must change their underwear every hour and that they must wear it outside of their clothes so that the police can check. I don't want John Ashcroft in my underwear.
9:39:49 PM 
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Is Anyone Cooler Than Warren Zevon?
While I was away, I missed Warren Zevon's farewell appearance on the Late Show with David Letterman. Zevon, who has been a regular on the show, was recently diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, and Letterman dedicated a whole show to celebrating his career:
It was everything that television today usually isn't: dignified, subtly humorous and resistant to melodrama. And still it managed to break your heart.
From the moment he walked out to Paul Schaffer and the band playing "Sleep When I Die," it was clear that the smartly cynical lyricist, who had a long history with the show--Mr. Zevon's been a guest on Mr. Letterman's programs 13 times, first in 1982, singing "Excitable Boy" on NBC's Late Night, and later served as a regular substitute for Mr. Schaffer--hadn't lost any of his dark comedic sense. He began by telling Mr. Letterman that his diagnosis meant "you better get your dry cleaning done on special," and later, when asked how he now savored life, offered that cancer reminded him to "enjoy every sandwich."
There's nothing funnier than gallows humor.
9:34:04 PM
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How Long Do You Have to Be Away to Lose Your Edge as a New Yorker?
Last week, I celebrated the ninth anniversary of my moving to New York. But I celebrated it in Provincetown, where I was vacationing. While I was away for more than a week, it seems that I lost the good sense of a New Yorker that I had developed over that nine years.
Last night, a shoe shine guy stopped me on Broadway between 93rd and 94th Streets. I was wearing shoes which couldn't be shined, but he said that he could tell me where I got my shoes. Since I had gotten them in Manchester, Connecticut, I was pretty sure he couldn't. He bet me five dollars, and I took him up on it. As a New Yorker, I should have realized that this man was not going to stop me on the street to hand me five dollars, that there had to be a catch. After we shook hands, he promptly revealed it. He pointed out that he hadn't said he could tell me where I bought them, but where I got them. He told told me to look down and see that just then, I got them on Broadway in Manhattan. I could have argued, but I just paid my five dollars for being stupid and tried to get back to being a New Yorker.
8:06:14 AM
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© Copyright 2003 Morgan N. Sandquist.
Last update: 11/2/03; 10:30:16 AM.
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